ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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