between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
