Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
