Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
