Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
