At least make sure they are 18
Why
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
