I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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