i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
