Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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