I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
