he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
