Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
