Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
