Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
