Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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