the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
