just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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