she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
