...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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