Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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