mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
