Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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