i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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