I hate your face
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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