She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.