There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.