I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.