she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.