Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
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He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
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i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.