My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
