..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
