I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
