I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
