I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
