I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
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We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize