I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
