You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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