I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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