Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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