you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
