Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
