***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
