Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop

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(213): View more from California

I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.

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(281): View more from Texas

I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...

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(323): View more from California

dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning

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(650): View more from California

she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.

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(914): View more from New York

i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school

(1-914): View more from New York

oh right the one that ends on your bed

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(519): View more from Ontario

He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.

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(515): View more from Iowa

So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....

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(317): View more from Indiana

Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it

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