apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
