I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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