i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
