I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
All I want is dick and wine.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
