But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
