so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
