think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
