playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
