ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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