I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
