The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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