Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
