Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize