just come out here and I will go home with you...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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