sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
