we have pet lesbian snakes
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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