Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize