Nicole vs. Life
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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