I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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