He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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