would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
