i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
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I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
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Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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