im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
