i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
