I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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