And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
